Conflict Management Training:
Resolving Problems In The Workforce
Conflict Management is one of the most difficult, and unfortunately prominent, problems in today's workforce. Conflict in marriage leads to divorce, conflict among countries usually leads to war. Unmanaged conflict at work leads to a decline in morale, productivity, and bottom line profits. Our reaction to, and method of dealing with conflict rather than the conflict itself is what causes painful, frightening or even damaging experiences. Conflict occurs when there are two points of view in opposition to one another. It is not the thoughts we have alone that trigger our conflict it is when we attach strong emotion to our thoughts that the conflict with others intensifies.
Where did conflict come from? Our initial conflict occurred when we were infants and felt that we needed something (touch, food, a clean diaper) and the something we needed was not provided the moment we needed it. This generated "conflict." The principal players in our world (our parents) were not cooperating with our agenda and needs. As we grew older, many of us associated the experience of not having what we need with a feeling of being conflicted with another, thereby intensifying the feelings associated with thinking that the other person does not agree with us. In the past, disagreement was associated with not being able to have what I wanted or needed to survive.
Conflict management, then, is more about managing the thoughts we have about what the other person is saying, or, in other words, managing mental and emotional states, starting with our own, so that we are in a better position to serve to facilitate others. All conflicts arise due to a "triggered states." A trigger is a biochemical reaction to an interpretation of some kind of loss. To the employee who needs to learn how to manage conflict with their fellow employees, the perceived loss might be: loss of control, their job or position, certainty, self esteem, being right, positive regard, or well being.
When people are in triggered states (stressed out), they are incapable of accessing the part of the brain that can engage in creative thinking, global thinking, or collaboration. The tendency is to shut down one's ability to listen and become overly attached to one's point of view.
Whenever you have two different departments with different agendas and competition for resources, it is often a set-up for conflict. A corporate client in Texas had been struggling for many months in dealing with the conflict that existed on one of its mid-management teams. As members of the mid-management team began recognizing their own triggered states and practicing the "Trigger Recovery Process" while being more proficient at observing other people's triggered states, the nature of what had been conflict management with one another was replaced with more collaborative conversations.
This does not suggest that there will never be disagreements with others. However, when people take command of their "triggered states," they can become more fluid with their perspectives, resulting in their having the ability to at times disagree, yet also see the truth in what the other person might be saying. The individual who has peace within can act as both participant and facilitator inside the conversation.
The more clients practice using the Recovery Tools, which include meditation, interrupting thought processes, re-contextualizing, and acceptance, the less they report having conflicts with others. They have learned how to detach emotion from points of view so that they can engage in healthy debate or discourse without compromising themselves or their relationships.
The "Emotionally Intelligent Leader" recognizes that conflict management begins with managing his or her own thought process and emotional state. The more quickly that leaders can convert internal conflict into inner peace, the more effectively they can model a way of being for others to follow. Conflicting ideas without triggered emotional states provide the platform for creativity, innovation, and higher levels of collaboration. The key is to separate the idea from an attachment to the idea for one's emotional survival. When we are in conflict with another we are confusing the psychological need to be right with a perceived unfulfilled biological need. The two needs seem to be wired together and in an inappropriate way. Somehow if I am not "right" or you don't use my suggestion, then my survival has been compromised.
Are we, as leaders, going to live our lives governed by our impulses to react or use these impulses as a signal to consciously choose how to respond? Conflict management begins with taking command of our thoughts and emotional reactions so that we can be more effective at encouraging others to follow our example. As teams practice these tools together, conflict will no longer need to be managed. It will be viewed as divergent points of view leading toward more productive and innovative solutions.
Rick Stanford:
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Subject:
Management Training
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